For so long many of us have been running on fumes…. Barely enough energy to get through pockets of time throughout the day, yet somehow we still show up. Maybe it’s the motivation to get things done, to do things we know we have to do – especially in terms of caring for our children, our partners if you have one & shoot most importantly ourselves. I know for me, a nightly stretch, candlelight and silence feeds my body in ways nothing else could.
It’s natural especially when you become a mother to want to make sure your children have everything they need.. attention, nourishment, food, shelter, consistency with tending to their hygiene. It can be challenging to give ourselves everything we need.. sometimes we forget that we too also need to give ourselves that same loving attention.
In my own journey through becoming a mother of two, living in a family shelter, my mother passing and navigating the loss of many other relationships with people that are still living but very unsupportive, I have had to be my biggest muse. When others wished to see me fail I had to build myself up & give myself the tenderness that no one was able to give me. I learned how to hold myself like a child, speak to my heart in ways I’ve always needed & find healthy outlets that poured into me.
Through all the challenges & through all the inner child healing I was doing along the way, I have developed patience, compassion and a pure love for who I was, who I am & who I am becoming & that is something no one could ever take from me.
When you are focused on getting to the root of your current sufferings mentally, emotionally, physically & spiritually you face many pains. There is a level of accountability that is faced that allows you to become freer within. You see clearly why you made the decisions you made & you can offer yourself forgiveness because at the root you only did what you learned through others actions and behaviors growing up. It becomes etched in your nervous system as normal, but many behaviors we display if we haven’t done the healing are extremely impulsive and wreckless.
When we didn’t have role models who practiced discernment, made decisions from a grounded place & the big one- cared about themselves emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually, we in turn learn that how we feel comes last.
The false matrix system in place was designed to keep us disconnected from ourselves. As long as we are focusing our energy on things such as the societal expectations of attending school, boyfriends, fitting in, college, work, a house, marriage, kids.. and everything else they use as distractions – social media, news, politics, holiday consumerism, materialism in general… as well as literally living in survival because we are not making enough at these jobs to do what we wish to do… then we have become numb.
Many of have suffered or maybe are suffering from codependency. We were stripped from our caregivers and put in school, while they worked. We didn’t have a strong connection with them. They barely knew us. & some of us had parents that had the opportunity to be in our lives but they made excuses- maybe they chose drugs or a relationship as priority instead of themselves & in turn us. Some were battling things within that they didn’t share, they just suppressed and became depressed which led to the unhealthy coping. So it’s no surprise why a majority of us do not know how to regulate ourselves in the heat of challenge.
This becomes especially true as our children grow. As they change we are called to adapt to their changes. The emotions get louder, more expressive and our response isn’t always gentle & loving. Shoot it’s challenging enough when their isn’t a large supportive system that gives to us as guardians & to our children.
Give yourself grace. We only repeat what we experienced and/or what we never got the chance to experience when we didn’t have a mother tend to us in the ways we needed. Some had mothers who abused physically emotionally & mentally which led us to be spiritually disconnected. & some of us just had to grow up without one which still led to same thing. When you do not have a mother figure the scars are similar, both experienced neglect. Both have deep wounds although different in the way they remember and the way their body feels when they bring up those memories. But overall the disconnection is the same. We need our mothers. We need them to remind us that it’s okay to feel, we are not weak because we are crying, sad, angry, or overwhelmed. We are powerful because of it.
For me, crying was not first nature. I’d push through & my body would become extremely tight. I’d spend a majority of the day massaging my back, shoulders, neck, trying to get out knots that were only relieved for vague moments before they tightened back up again. Most of the time I didn’t realize how much I was actually experiencing in my physical reality, Id just fight to find solutions without truly resting and creating space for me to acknowledge how much stress I was under. My mother was similar. I only saw her cry a few times & they seemed forced, as if she was trying to cry so I could feel sorry for her. So I could baby her… because truly the last time she was probably was held was when she was an infant.
When you haven’t been held much & there wasn’t people around you to support you in recognizing what you are feeling, you learn to push through.
When I was going through the DEPTHS of the situations above while fighting to be there for myself and my children I had no choice but to find ways to transmute the enegry.
I wrote. I wrote on Substack, I wrote a book when my mother passed and published it & I haven’t stopped writing since. I write to myself a lot in my notes on my phone, because sometimes It’s the only thing nearby, I write in my journal and I also talk out loud to myself, voicing and validating how I feel around an experience and if i need to scream in a pillow or as I am driving, I do so. A scream never hurt nobody lol sometimes we have so much built up we have to let it out in that way. Children do & we can learn alot from them. They embrace theirs, although not always in ways that are healthy, that’s why we learn so we can teach them!
Validating how we feel is number one step.
How do you feel right now? What are you experiencing in your reality? What messages is your body revealing to you through physical sensations? Start connecting.
Then find hobbies that you can do that soothe you. This can go anywhere from drawing to skydiving lol although you may not be able to do that everyday so lets keep it realistic for now. Find creative artistic outlets that allow you to transmute the energy within your body. Allow whatever thoughts arise to be just that, observe them, feel what you need to feel & get that shit out so you can move on feeling lighter, more free.
Ask yourself: What kept me from feeling, from being connected to myself? Where did I learn this pattern?
We are trying to feel safe to be ourselves again in a world that wasn’t safe for us to be. This take intention & effort.
I am huge on childhood healing because it’s through these experiences where we were shaped the most. As you unravel and you feel what you need to feel you will awaken to parts of yourself you didn’t know existed. Your perspective on life changes, you see how it all comes together.. the puzzle pieces of who you were, who you are and who you can become with this new found feeling of love, curiosity, imagination.
Look at photos of you as a child. What was she feeling? Start here.
The more I have gone on this journey the more connected I have felt when I look at a childhood photo. It’s this immense feeling of purity and love that I know I naturally hold, we all do. it’s always been there, many of us just didn’t have people in our lives fight to protect our spirits. They thought protection & doing what the government says is best, & it’s far from it. Our creativity wasn’t encouraged, no one mirroring back our greatness because they didnt know theirs.
No one is to blame. We were all born sovereign beings until we decided someone else knew what was best for our lives & the lives of our children. It’s time we unlearn that shit. We know whats best, we feel it in our bodies, our literal hearts minds and spirits know what feels true to us. Our children suffer when we do not acknowledge what our bodies are saying but instead comply to “what is the right thing to do”.
As I am trying to build a business… working for a corporate job… being a mother of two… with my own personal life challenges.. and so much more, I am reminded how much we are suffering as mothers. The system wasn’t designed for our health and wellbeing. We are told to push through, to do the same thing everyday no matter what we are experiencing outside of the work place. It’s unrealistic to tell anyone that they need to push aside everything they have going on outside of the facility and just be 100% focused there. When we become mothers it sounds even more ridiculous.
The truth is we need ourselves in the best health so we can show up for our tribes. When a mother is burnt out and still expected to show up everyday how are we surprised society is failing? We are neglecting the mothers, and the fathers too. They also have their societal expectations and roles that are not realistic for their health and wellbeing and that of the children’s as well.
We need each other. Family doesn’t have to be only blood, many of us have soul family out there with similar values just waiting patiently to find their tribes – people who they can live amongst in harmony and give and receive genuinely. It’s time we build a system outside of the patriarchal way of being that CLEARLY doesn’t allow us to flourish.
We heal together too. Our nervous systems need others as well. Just as a child needs to be held we also have that same need. Instead of going from relationship to relationship unconsciously being codependent… recognize your patterns, find the root, forgive yourself & create a community of others whom you can build trust with. You deserve to feel supported and nurtured as you are nurturing the next generation 💜 what you do is miraculous. Recognize your superpowers, give yourself praise, honor how you feel & find systems that work for you, not against you.
I imagine a reality where our inner childs connect and where we feel safe to be ourselves while also feeling safe with another, regardless of nationality. The systems wanted us divided but at our core we are all one spirit, different souls but the same spirit of love, purity and connection to The Divine in all things. Once we get back to the truth of who we are as individuals – by accessing our childhood & our wounds , we can begin to have compassion for humanity and align with those whom our soul feels called to.
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